Can you teach your partner to meet your needs? Should you have to? 

What is love language, anyway? Some of you might be familiar with the term. If you’ve never heard of a love language, you’re in for a treat. Hopefully you’ll learn more about yourself and how to love your partner even more deeply.

The 5 Love Languages are:

  • Words of affirmation – Verbal expressions of love, appreciation and encouragement. 

Might be yours if you like hearing “I love you” often, you thrive when you’re encouraged by others. If this sounds like a partner, say -and mean more I love you’s, thank you’s, you matter to me’s and the like.

  • Quality time- Giving another person your undivided attention. It might be yours if you make time for others, you feel disconnected when you don’t. If this sounds like a partner, have date nights, turn off your phone when you’re together, sit together and talk about your days.
  • Physical touch- Connection through appropriate physical touch (nonsexual or sexual). It might be yours if you’re a “touchy-feely” person, you feel most loved when embraced or touched. If this sounds like a partner, Hold hands, be generous with affection and other types of PDA, prioritize sex if it’s important in the relationship
  • Acts of service- Hold hands, be generous with affection and other types of PDA, prioritize sex if it’s important in the relationship,might be yours if you’re happy when someone helps without being asked, actions speak louder than words for you.If this sounds like a partner, make them meals, take on a chore or two around the house, draw them baths.
  • Receiving gifts- Tangible tokens of love and thoughtfulness. It might be yours if you pride yourself on giving thoughtful gifts, you most appreciate meaningful gifts. If this sounds like a partner, surprise them with gifts outside of special occasions, bring home their favorite treat, buy or make them gifts that are personal 

(Source: Healthline.com)

You may be able to recognize yourself and your partner in the chart above. Think about what truly makes you feel happy and satisfied. Does your partner speak your love language? There’s no shame in saying they do not. It simply means that you need to translate your love language for your partner and teach them what you need. Try to find your partner’s love language in there as well, and see if you can identify ways to love them better through meeting more of their emotional needs. 

This is an interesting and exciting journey to undertake, especially when you’re in a new relationship with someone and are trying to figure out just what makes them tick. That being said, even long-term couples can learn to love their partners in a deeper and more meaningful way by making an effort to identify their love language and doing those things that speak to them. 

So how do you go about translating your love language for your partner? Teach your partner how to meet your emotional needs by encouraging that which speaks to you. If physical touch is your love language, initiate more physical contact. Not just sex, but non-sexual touching as well. Hugs, hand-holding and cuddling are good for you. Let your partner know that it pleases you to have physical contact with them.

 If it’s acts of service that speak to you, remind your partner in a gentle way that those practical and tangible things they do for you are so greatly appreciated. It’s also fine to ask your partner to do things for you. Let your partner know that you are grateful for those acts of service no matter how small. 

Your love language may be more than one thing. For example, quality time and physical touch may be what speaks to your heart. Tell your partner that you desire to have more one on one time. Set up a date night and let your partner know that you crave his/her presence. Even dinner and a movie at home where you sit together and enjoy a film, cuddle on the sofa and/or make love at the end of the evening satisfies those emotional needs for quality time and physical touch. 

Words of affirmation are a little bit more difficult to translate for your partner. If they’re not very forthcoming with praise or verbal encouragement, it’s up to you to let them know that you need to hear those things. One way to do this is by example. Make it a habit to be encouraging to your partner and speak positive things about your relationship. It’s also perfectly acceptable to have a conversation with your partner and let them know that you need to hear those words of affirmation from them; that their words of encouragement or loving words from them are important to you. When you hear them, you feel loved and important. 

You might think that receiving gifts is everyone’s love language, and you’d be mostly correct. There are, however, those people for whom receiving gifts is a burden and not a love language. I know a man who doesn’t enjoy receiving gifts because he feels that the money could be better spent, and he doesn’t want to be obligated to return the kindness. If your love language is receiving gifts, you may have to come straight out and tell your partner. Let them know that even small tokens of love make a big difference to you. 

If you’re feeling a lack in your relationship and you don’t feel like your partner really “gets you,” or you don’t feel like they’re happy in the relationship,you have the ability to change that if you so choose. Instead of saying that your relationship is just not working, try to identify your partner’s love language and your own. Perhaps you or your partner simply need to translate your love languages for one another? Before giving up, give it a try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

If you’re happy in your relationship and just want to continue to grow, evolve, and deepen your connection with your partner, pay attention to their love language and take steps to speak to their needs in a way that honors their preferred way of receiving love.