Senior Citizen Love and marriage
Senior Citzen I have to admit is now how I would be classified. Where does the time go? It seems to take forever to grow up, then, once you’re an adult, time spins faster and faster, until you’re married and raising your kids. Then, you turn around twice and they’re grown and gone to college, starting their own lives. Blink again and they’re graduating, maybe even married and having children of their own. As a senior citizen you and your partner are now aging, retiring from your careers and becoming grandparents. Congratulations! You’ve made it to your “golden years.” You’re a senior citizen now what?
If you and your partner are still close and loving now that you are a senior citizen, you should both be very proud. Looking back at the time you’ve spent and everything you’ve gone through over the years, making it this far is a huge achievement. You know that this is not the end of love for you. There is still time to have a loving relationship every day with your partner.
If you don’t feel that loving connection anymore, well, if you’re still together, still married, there’s always the possibility that you can again find that closeness and love that might have faded through the years. If you and your partner feel that you have grown apart and are living separate lives; more like roommates than a married couple, fear not. There’s still hope. Longevity with love and caring is still possible. A lengthy marriage doesn’t have to mean that there is no spark left between you. It’s entirely possible for a senior citizen to have loving and passionate relationships, it’s just going to look a little different than it used to. Yes as a senior citizen you also can continue to have a sex life as well. Here are some of the things that you and your partner should be focusing on as you navigate love and marriage as seniors in a long-term relationship.
Kindness – It seems simplistic to say focus on kindness but doing so is one of the best ways to stay close to one another day in and day out. It can mean the difference between one of you feeling alone, or both of you feeling loved and secure together. It isn’t easy, sometimes you feel impatient, snappish or aren’t feeling well. Being a senior citizen is not easy but also does not have to be difficult either. You need the kindness of your partner, and they need it of you. When you’re not feeling it, is exactly the time that you need to make an effort just to be kind. You cannot underestimate the power of kindness in your relationship. A kind word has the power to improve your partner’s day, and any act of kindness you can provide is a blessing. Kindness is a hallmark of a successful and loving relationship for seniors and everyone. Men in particular may want sexy to be how their partners view them but keep in mind this can be fleeting with aging, wrinkles, some weight in the wrong places but kindness is a trait that would last a lifetime. If your partner views you as kind you are indeed very fortunate.
Make memories – If you’ve been married for long enough for you to be classified as a seniors citizen together, you should have a ton of memories. Does that mean it’s time to stop making new ones? Absolutely not! The seniors that are in the closest and happiest relationships are those who make a point to do things together, have new experiences to share and are always making new memories together. As we age, we may not remember all those old memories, and it’s great to have experiences you can share together and talk about after they happen. Take photos and collect souvenirs wherever you go. Those who come after you will enjoy seeing that you and your partner did some interesting and fun things together. Now that you may not be working or are retired you have time to just appreciate one another and the experiences you may create together. Make a bucket list of experiences you would like to have with one another…..white water rafting, ski trips, hiking, parachuting(you not me), cruising etc. The only thing holding you back as a senior citizen is not thinking of it as long as both want the experience there is nothing stopping you.
Focus on family- Family can be a source of stress for a senior citizen but can also be a source of great joy. If you’ve been fortunate enough to raise a family, congratulations. Now that your children have established their lives and possibly their own families, you have a couple of choices. You can choose to be involved in family activities and attend games, and recitals, birthday parties and events, or you can choose to avoid them. You can also create family experiences with the new normal. You no longer have to be the “parent”. Establishing the new adult relationship between all of you can be the new normal and a very exciting adventure.
If you have strained relationships with your adult children, you still have time to fix them. Ask any senior you know that is a grandparent, and you’ll likely be told that having grandchildren is a blessing and that spending time with them is some of the most fun and loving interactions you’re likely to have. If you have a chance to be an active and involved grandparent, I highly recommend that you don’t miss out. Grandparenting is another great way to stay close to your partner and your family. Sharing family time together is some of the best time you can spend.
Friendship- Are you and your spouse friends? Think about this. As seniors in a long -term marriage, it’s more important than ever that you and your spouse are friends. Sure you love each other, you’ve stayed together this long, haven’t you? But can you say that you are truly friends? Perhaps you merely tolerate or are “used to” each other. As outer beauty fades and physical challenges make it harder for us to do all the things we used to do, the underlying friendship we share with our partners as seniors is what will sustain us. Cultivate that friendship for a happy and loving relationship into your “golden years”.
Humor – Let’s face it, it’s not easy growing old. Change is hard and our bodies begin to betray us. Sometimes everything hurts. We don’t see or hear well anymore, we don’t like the music or the shows on TV. It’s just a different world now and it can feel like none of it is meant for us. Humor is key to getting through the difficult times with your partner. If you can laugh instead of being grumpy, and see the humor in unpleasant situations, you’re well on your way to having a happy ending with your spouse. The ability to make each other laugh is a gift. To see the absurdity in life, instead of allowing it to get you down, is something that you can cultivate. If you can lighten up those dark situations and make each other laugh, you’ve really got a good thing going.
Acceptance of aging – We’re all aging from the moment we’re born, and at some time in our 50s or 60s it catches up with us. The trick to dealing with our aging bodies in our senior years is to embrace time. I sometimes are challenged by the memory of my parents being my age……”They were so old….now I just reframe it as they were young at heart….Embrace life, and all that goes with it. There’s no way around it, we’re going to age. Accept how your body has changed and the limitations you have now, do what you can while you can, and be a good sport about the changes. You can’t stop the forward march of time, and it’s a losing and upsetting prospect to try. Tell your partner she’s beautiful, tell your spouse that he’s still attractive to you. These words of acceptance give your partner a boost. Because if you accept them and still love them as they are into their senior years, and love them more than skin deep, it gives them permission to accept and love themselves. Try it!
Flexibility- Everything changes as we approach our senior years. Arrangements have to be made and allowances given for our limitations and differing levels of ability. Daily life requires us to be flexible. If you’re someone who has lived a rigid kind of life, it’s a good time to reassess that. Flexibility is an asset for seniors. We cannot expect the same things from our partners or ourselves in our senior years, as we did when we were younger. Expectations differ from reality, and we need to learn how to be more willing to compromise or re-think something when it isn’t working out. Be willing to take a second look at a problem, instead of being rigid. Be willing to talk about problems that arise and think outside of the box for solutions. There is always another option that you or your partner may not have considered. Get advice from others in your same situation. This goes for everything in your life, from maintaining a home, to your physical relationship. There are always other options. Flexibility goes a long way towards having a close and loving relationship with your partner.
Support – Your partner needs your support more than ever in this stage of life. They need to be reassured of your love and support daily. They need to know that you have their back, and the two of you are each other’s security and safe harbor. You and your partner may be struggling with physical issues, anxiety and worry about managing into your senior years. Perhaps choices about assisted living or downsizing your home. Whatever it is that you’re going through, make it a point to give your partner the support they need. Talk about everything and let them know that you’re on their side. The two of you together can face anything as long as you are on the same team. If there’s a disagreement, talk the issue through, and get advice from a trusted source. Above all, you both need to be secure in the knowledge that you’re a team and will face any uncertainty together and united in strength and purpose.
