GroundHog Day
Call it a rut, call it a routine. The familiarity and sameness of your relationship keeps the same day repeating over and over again, just like the movie Groundhog Day. You and your partner seem to be stuck in an endless loop of waking up, going to work, taking the kids to their practice and appointments. Sex on Friday, spaghetti on Tuesday, will it never end?
It’s easy to fall into a pattern. Patterns are safe, comfortable, and familiar. They give us security, a feeling of stability and knowledge that everything in our life and relationship is solid and sure. Human brains love patterns. We see them everywhere; in nature, in traffic patterns in cities, in numbers. It’s not uncommon for us to seek out those patterns in our daily lives as well. The problems come in when the patterns get boring or frustrating, and you simply want something different. That quote “variety is the spice of life” comes to mind. Life can become bland when it’s Groundhog Day every day. This sameness may have you bickering or sniping at each other over little things, simply because you’re trying to evoke emotion and reaction out of each other. This is a negative pattern that should not be allowed to continue as it leads to resentment and anger.
If you’re familiar with the film, Bill Murray’s character is at first surprised and pushes back against the repeating scenario, then he feels sorry for himself and gets angry when nothing changes. It isn’t until he makes some small changes in the way he approaches Groundhog Day, makes some inner changes about his own perspective and attitude that he is able to break the spell and change the pattern and the outcome. It takes conscious actions on his part to affect the change needed to break the cycle.
If it seems that no matter what you do, the patterns in your relationship don’t change and simply seem to repeat over and over, don’t despair. It’s not really Groundhog Day, even though it may feel that way. There are some changes you can make to change the patterns that have you feeling stuck or disconnected from your partner.
● Talk about it with your partner
Chances are that if you’re feeling stuck or bored, that your partner is as well. Discuss and brainstorm what you each would like to see happen and set intentions towards making some changes.
● Be spontaneous
This can be an uncomfortable thought for someone who is very used to a routine. You might want to start small by changing up your routine and suggesting a date night or a spontaneous coffee date on a weekend. Go for a walk. Instead of doing the same things as you always do, break out and be a little crazy. Set up a seduction scenario when your partner doesn’t expect it. Take your partner out of the house. Do something fun for a change. You might get to enjoy it! Make some new memories and have some new experiences. It might feel awkward at first, but I’ll wager you won’t regret it.
● Work on yourself
If you and your partner are in a negative pattern of feeling annoyed or resentful, something needs to change. That something is you. You can’t control what your partner is doing in their own inner life, but you can work on yours. Examine your own attitudes and behaviors that keep you and your partner in this Groundhog Day life. When you identify the actions and attitudes that are keeping you stuck, you have a place to begin. You may want to get the help of a therapist to guide you through this process if you don’t think you can do it on your own.
● Take a trip
Taking you and your partner out of your Groundhog Day relationship and being in a completely new and different place is a great start to breaking out of patterns. Make a pact that you’re not going to fall into any of your negative patterns and attitudes, but see this trip as a fresh adventure that you’re both experiencing together. Check in with each other throughout the trip and talk about the great things you’re doing and feeling and how you can bring this fresh perspective home with you. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant trip, even a weekend getaway somewhere close to home will do the trick.
● Turn the negatives into positives
I’m not talking about some fake Pollyanna toxic positivity. I’m recommending that you practice gratitude and mindfulness in your everyday interactions. Take time to connect with your partner, and let them know you appreciate them, and love them. It only takes a minute of looking into each other’s eyes, really seeing and hearing one another to put a whole new spin on the day. This is an important way to break the cycle of Groundhog Day and start seeing your partner in a positive light, and believe me, when you start looking for positive things about each other, you will definitely find them! There’s a reason that you chose this person to share your life, and the reason is still there. It’s a great day when you remember what those reasons are.
These are just a few of the ways to break the cycle of a Groundhog Day relationship. Remember, it’s not up to you to change your partner, it’s up to you to change yourself. Be an example of love, appreciation and positive change in your relationship and watch your partnership go from boring and frustrating to exciting and dynamic. We’re meant to grow and evolve individually and in our relationships. If that’s not happening now, you have the power within you to make it happen. Happy Groundhog Day, and may Spring be close at hand.
Photos courtesy of Pixels.com
