Choose your partner in all seasons of life. The vow that you make for better or for worse, the commitment you give to one another to stick it out through thick and thin is the foundation that the most successful relationships are built upon. It’s not always easy to do this. We have to make a concerted effort to put in the work on our relationships, to step up and be a good partner, even when we’re struggling ourselves. It’s one of the most important things you can do to ensure your future happiness and to create and maintain a solid foundation for your marriage.
If you fail to put in the effort, and your partner does the same, your chances of being in a happy and healthy relationship are greatly reduced. Instead, familiarity can breed contempt, or annoyance at the very least, and we end up taking out our frustrations on our partners. Once you get into a habit of being snarky and contentious with each other, it’s very hard to come back from that. Life is tough enough from outside circumstances, don’t complicate the good things in your life by neglecting to recognize how important they are.
What does it mean to choose each other every day? It may sound overly simplistic, but I assure you, that once you put these habits into practice, you’re both going to want to continue to do so. All of these positive actions will make you and your partner feel closer, more connected, and more loving towards each other. Even when things get tough, and they will, making a point to let your partner know that they’re not alone, that you’re in it together and supporting one another, makes things exponentially easier to bear.
Keep kindness in the mix. It’s easy to be short, curt or snappish, especially when you’re having a bad day, or feeling upset or anxious. It’s important to remember that your partner is on your side! Being kind is a way to choose your partner, even when you’re not particularly feeling it. Speak to your loved one with the knowledge that they’ve got your back. If you can’t be nice, take a break. There’s nothing wrong with postponing a conversation until you’ve had a chance to adjust your attitude. Your partner who you live with in all seasons of life might seem like a good person to vent on, but beware of making your loved one the dumping ground for all your negativity. It’s not their fault you’re having a tough day, they should be looked upon as the one to make it better.
Good manners will never go out of style. It’s easy to reduce our daily communications to grunts and “marriage shorthand.” Try to avoid this. Speak to each other with love and defer to one another with politeness. Honestly, you should treat the person you love with the utmost courtesy and respect. Even the small things like saying please and thank you go a very long way. Your partner does a lot for you, things that you often may not even see. They deserve politeness, at the very least, and enormous gratitude and appreciation. One way to show this, is to treat them like they are the most important person in your life, because, after all, isn’t that what they are?
Prioritize your relationship and your partner’s happiness in all seasons of life. This means setting aside time and your energy towards your life as a couple. It can be anything from date nights, time together at home, even your sex life. If you know what makes your partner happy, do that! It’s easy to make it all about you, but you do so at your relationship’s peril. If you know your partner needs some alone time or a break from the kids, take them out for the day and give that gift. If you don’t know what your partner would like, there’s no harm in asking. They may roll their eyes at you, but I guarantee, they will appreciate the thought.When there’s something going on with your partner, ask them how you can help. Sometimes they just want listening ear, or a hug. Other times, there are actions you can take, listen and learn what your partner wants and needs from you.
Support them in their pursuit of their dreams and goals. Our dreams and goals can change over time, so never assume you know what your partner wants out of life. Talk about the things that you dream of. If your partner wants to change jobs or further their education, help find ways to assist them in doing it. Maybe they want to travel. You’ll never know unless you ask. These are important conversations to have during all the seasons of your lives.
Consider them in your daily activities. The happiest and healthiest couples I know stay connected throughout their day. They know where their partner is, what they’re doing, and where they will go next. They check in and talk throughout the day. It’s so important to maintain this connection no matter if you’re together or apart. Keeping in touch keeps your partner in mind, and you will be thinking of them throughout your day.
Remind them how important they are to you. Hearing how important you are to someone never gets old. Be sure to take the time on a regular basis to show and tell your partner what they mean to you. Let them know that what matters to them also matters to you and that their place in your life is right up there at the top, you’re choosing them. You want them to be happy and succeed in life because they are that important to you. You care about how they feel, how their day is going and what they need and want. This is the way to feel close and connected to one another. It can be as simple as sending a loving emoji.
Consult them in decision-making. Nothing makes your partner feel more unimportant than being left out of the decision-making process. Especially when it’s a decision that affects both of you and your lives and future.This includes financial, career and parenting choices. There are many decision that need to be made in all seasons of life. Both of you need to be able to talk through options and make a mutual decision that you both are happy with. This sometimes requires compromise and lengthy discussions. Don’t shy away from this. Getting into these complication processes is part of choosing your partner. Both of you need to be on board with the final outcome.
Check in regularly. Life can get hectic and you and your partner can feel like you’re being pulled in many different directions, not necessarily together. Schedule time to just check in. It can be over coffee in the morning, or after the kids go to bed at night. Sit down together and just see how each other is doing. How are you feeling, how was your day, is there anything you need to talk about? This can mean the difference between feeling isolated and on your own, or feeling that your partner is on the same page supporting you.
Choose your partner in all seasons of life and reassure them that their 50 or 60 year self is just as lovable, desirable, precious and important as their 25 or 35 year old self was. We all need that reassurance and feeling of security that we are still loved and wanted by our partner even when our skin gets wrinkled or our hair gets thin. Keep that all-important connection and continue to choose each other for a full and happy life together. Photos courtesy of Pixels.com
