For better or worse we often say in our wedding vows. When we commit marry or commit to a long-term relationship, we make a promise to love our partner “for better or worse” we hope to be able to love them completely and for them to do the same for us.Part of that commitment is to accept the whole person, even the parts of them that we don’t particularly like.
They say you never truly know someone until you live with them. There are things that just don’t come up between you when you’re dating. Of course, when you’re courting, you’re always trying to show the best side of yourself because you want the object of your desire to like you, to fall in like, then in love with you. It’s not until you cohabitate that you really see the nitty gritty of the person and the sometimes unpleasant habits that your partner brings to the relationship. Sometime we question the committment of for better or worse.
Being perfect together doesn’t mean that you are perfect. We are all flawed and many of us come into our relationships with not a little bit of baggage from the past or issues and habits that our current partner finds they do not love about us.
Most of us have a list, maybe not actually written down, but at least a “type” of person that we can see ourselves in a relationship with, or married to. Things like kindness, sense of humor, must love animals and children. Whatever we have formulated as our ideal mate. When we find someone that embodies the characteristics we crave, it’s so easy for us to fail to look at other, perhaps less agreeable parts of the person.
Some things are deal breakers, non-negotiable, and other things we can overlook. Then the better or worse looks too much like mostly the worse. It’s all a matter of priorities. If your intended person is kind and loving towards you, but is a smoker, is that something you can accept? What if they were a vegetarian and you like to eat meat. Perhaps you want children, and they do not. Things like this need to be discussed before commitments are made.
Then there are things that reveal themselves over time. One partner is tidy and the other is a slob, or never changes the toilet paper, or drinks milk straight from the carton, maybe they fart in bed. You may laugh, but these things can be petty annoyances that rub us the wrong way. You may think you can train your partner out of bad habits, and in some cases you can. Other things, however, you are going to need to learn to accept and live with. Failing to do so can lead to resentment, strife and distance in your relationship.
There’s no secret to dealing with these types of things. It’s simply a matter of prioritizing your relationship and doing some work on your own issues. Yes that’s right, I said it’s your issue. Your partner is clearly very happy being exactly who they are with all of their flaws and imperfections. It’s not your job to change them. It’s your job to love and accept them for who they are; the good, the bad, and the annoying. 
If you weigh the things you love and adore about your spouse against the few habits you dislike, and the good outweighs the bad, well, you can learn to live it. I’m not talking about serious issues like addiction, verbal abuse, or physical aggression. These things are obvious deal breakers. If it’s doing harm to you or your partner, get away and get help.
The things I’m talking about are mere annoyances that you can learn to live with. You must learn to take the bitter with the sweet and when you come across his dirty clothes on the floor, or find she left the mustard out on the counter again, just shake your head and chuckle to yourself. That’s your lover, your best friend. Honestly, there are far worse things that can transpire in a relationship. You can gently remind them of the fact that you don’t like it, but don’t nag. It’s not going to work anyway. Your partner needs to take responsibility for their actions, of course, but if it’s not harming anyone, just annoying you? Mention it, and then move on.
In the big picture, there are so many more important things that you and your partner need to concentrate on to keep your relationship healthy and loving. To focus on petty grievances and instigate strife and argument is only going to cause more problems than it solves. Focus on what is important; acting in loving and kind ways, being gentle and gracious to one another. Appreciate your partner for all they bring to the table every day and let the small stuff go by.
Gentle reminders tell your partner that you would appreciate it if they could pay attention to something that you don’t like, but leave it at that. I guarantee that both of you will be much happier, and you will be at peace in your home if you don’t hang on to these issues. Take your partner for who they are and embrace them fully and completely. None of us are perfect, and you can be certain that there are things about you that they can do without, even if they never speak of it. Making your relationship the priority over dirty socks or toothpaste in the sink makes more sense than nit-picking each other to pieces. Bickering can easily become a destructive habit. When your go- to is always negative, it tears your relationship apart.
Loving someone completely is the best way for them to become the truest and best version of themselves. When they know that you love them for them and aren’t trying to change them to fit some ideal of what a partner should be, you give them the freedom to grow and evolve within that supportive framework. Being fully loved can make them want to be better and some of these small issues might very well be left behind in their journey to become a better partner for you. It’s amazing how people will thrive and flourish in the context of a loving relationship.
