I’m in the business of helping couples develop loving relationships stay together. Not only stay together but thrive, be happy and have a more loving connection together. To that end, I’ve done extensive work using emotionally- focused therapies to help couples reconnect and remember why they fell in love, and to rekindle that spark of love that may be laying dormant within their lives.
Have you ever wondered what it is that keeps couples together in a long-term relationship? What is it that keeps people connected and in love? Lasting love is what we all strive for, this is how we get it. Here are the habits and characteristics of successful long-term relationships.
Successful long-term couples prioritize the relationship; always putting the couple over individual desires. These savvy couples understand that important decisions must be talked through and decided together. They understand that everything they do affects the other and the relationship as a whole. In everything they do, they keep in mind that their partner’s well-being and the success of their relationship needs to be front and center always.
One of the most common characteristics of successful long-term loving relationships is that they are willing to compromise. They don’t hold grudges, and are quick to forgive. They know that the long-term relationship is bigger and more important than any small dispute, and they don’t indulge in petty bickering. When one partner is irritable or snapish, the other strives to find out why, rather than reacting in the moment. When partners know each other so well, after living together for years, they are dedicated to the relationship and can more easily overlook momentary annoyances.
Successful couples communicate constantly. They are calling and texting each other throughout their day. They check in with each other with regularity. This isn’t the same as an insecure “checking up on” a partner. It’s more about making sure that their partner is having a good day; to see if they need anything, or simply want to talk. This running dialogue becomes part of their daily routine, and continues whether they are physically together or apart. Communication on this level builds trust. Each partner knows that they can trust the other with anything and everything, so they are constantly communicating. This level of deep communication contributes to happiness, longevity and successful relationships.
Successful loving relationship couples have each other’s back. They know, beyond a doubt, that their partner is going to be there to support them no matter what happens. This kind of security is built over many experiences of couples being there for each other when it truly mattered. Knowing that your partner has your back gives couples a feeling of trust and safety that contributes to longevity. Successful long-term couples have nothing to prove. They’ve already proven it.
Successful long-term couples do not tear each other down. They don’t nag or criticize. They are their partner’s biggest cheerleaders. That doesn’t mean they won’t honestly point out where their partner is going wrong. It’s kind of their duty to do that, but to do it in a way that their partner understands that it’s coming from a place of love and support. This is a characteristic that is developed over time. It ties back into having your partner’s back.
If you know that your partner supports you completely, you are more willing to listen to them when they have advice or tell you something you may not want to hear. This can be tricky to navigate, because it’s normal for people to become defensive in these types of situations. Successful couples listen to each other and take their opinions and advice to heart because they believe that their partner will tell them the truth and has their own best interest in mind.
Successful loving relationships thrive because each partner has such a deep commitment to the other and they cannot imagine their life without their person in it. So they work hard at staying in love and creating healthy successful long-term relationships. It’s not something that always happens organically. It often takes true intention and work by each partner to stay in love. It’s so easy for us to get caught up in day-to-day routines, distractions, work and family obligations. If we don’t prioritize our relationship, it will suffer. That’s why successful couples work on their relationships, they set aside time to nurture one another and their marriage.
Couples who stay in love successfully spend as much time together as possible. They would rather be with their partner, their best friend, and with their family, than doing solo activities or hanging out with friends. They often share common interests and hobbies, though that’s not a prerequisite for a successful relationship. Some couples thrive because one partner is able to have alone time to recharge their energy, then they come back together for couples time. Whatever percentage of time they spend together is cherished and appreciated. What they do succeed in, is having shared experiences, making memories for the future, and making the most of their time together.
Successful long-term couples protect and care for one another. That means that they don’t leave when things get hard. They stay and work through their issues. They stick around when their partner is hurt or ill. They don’t buy into petty drama and superficial problems. They care for each other and protect each other in all situations and give their partner the very best of themselves. 
Couples who maintain successful long-term loving relationships understand that life has its ups and downs. They know that there will be rough times, hard times, and there will be times when they are out of synch with one another. One partner may be going through a different life phase than the other. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. It simply means that both of them need to recognize what is really happening, talk about it, and support each other through it.
I always say that the great thing about monogamy, and having a long-term loving relationships is that we get to meet each other anew in each phase of our lives together. We get to know a different part of each other, see each other go through things, and assist then to the other side. It’s a great blessing to have a history with someone, and to be able to look back and see that you have successfully navigated the waters of life together and are still in love. Love only deepens and becomes sweeter over time. Your shared experiences, successes and failures are what deepens your connection, and brings you closer together. If you do it right, you can fall in love over and over again with each version of the person you love as time passes. What a great gift that is.
