Medical problems is something that couples need to confront together. This is critical in a long term relationship “In sickness and in health.” These are concepts that we readily agree to when we choose to build a life with someone. It’s assumed that if one of us were to be injured or become ill, that we would stay by their side, support and care for them, and see them through the crisis. It’s easy enough to say you will weather the storms together, but in reality, when injury and illness happen, we can be completely caught off guard, unprepared mentally, physically and emotionally to deal with it. As you age, you expect that there will be more medical problems, but you never expect it when you’re young; but the truth is, illness is not a respecter of age. It can happen to the young and elderly alike.
This has absolutely nothing to do with how much you love your partner, how dedicated you are to your relationship, or your willingness to help your partner through their time of trouble. Depending upon the severity, the duration of the recovery, or whether it’s a chronic or even terminal diagnosis, you may find yourself out of your depth and scrambling to find a way to cope. If you don’t have medical training, or even if you have, it may be difficult or even impossible to care for your loved one on your own, at home, or even at all. What can you do now to prepare for this possibility in the future of confronting medical problems?
Take care of yourself and each other
Exercise, eat right,stay at a manageable weight; avoid harmful substances and watch your alcohol intake. These are all things that you can do with and for each other to minimize health risks and having an increase of medical problems. For diabetics, regular eye exams are a necessity as well. Stop smoking and don’t take unnecessary risks. Think of your partner and your children, they need to have you around for as long as possible.
Get regular medical check ups
As much as you might not like this, you need to do it. At least an annual check up, if not more frequent visits. Poor oral health is linked to cardiac events, so regular dental visits should also be on the radar. If your partner is one of those who doesn’t go to the doctor unless they’re so ill they have no choice, you can take the initiative and help get them on a regular schedule by making the appointments for you both.
Full Disclosure
Fully disclose to your partner all medical history and potential medical problems Pay attention to your family history, it can be a good indicator of future health risks. Tell your partner your family medical history, and any illnesses you are prone to. It can make all the difference in being able to address those issues and mitigate the risks.
Communicate
Discuss possible scenarios and make tentative plans. You’re going to see each other at your worst, your lowest point physically and emotionally and you need to prepare for that. When a person becomes helpless they rely on others for their most basic needs. If you don’t even go to the toilet in front of your partner, you’re in for a shock. It’s not pleasant, but you do need to discuss it. Talk about each of your physical limitations. For example, if your partner is a large person, and you have a bad back, you’re not going to be able to lift or turn them. If they were to become physically incapacitated, you would need to have help if you wanted to try to care for them at home. Otherwise, a nursing home or care facility would be a better option. Issues like dementia or congnitive impairment are a reality for many older couples. Before the condition becomes critical, you need to have a plan in place for care.
Plan ahead
Sign and file medical /durable power of attorney/advanced directive paperwork so you are not taken by surprise and end up without any say in your partner’s medical care.Investigate what resources are available in your area such as visiting nurse organizations, medical social workers, home health aides and hospice.
Get Counseling
If you are cast in the role of caregiver for your partner, you need to stay healthy and strong yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Talk to a counselor and work through your emotions, talk about your feelings so that you can be the healthiest you can be to care for your partner. Learn to recognize the negative emotions that might cause you unnecessary pain and how to cope with them. Your partner needs you to stay healthy not only for them, but for yourself.
Live in the moment
It’s easy to get caught up in the whys and what if’s of a terrible situation. Do your best to avoid this and be present with your partner so that you can be of the most help to them. Even in terminal and chronic illness scenarios, there is still hope, love and beauty to be found. Try to find those moments in every day and share them with your beloved.
When illness or injury does occur it’s going to test you both in ways you may not expect. Your patience and kindness towards one another is going to make all the difference. If you’re facing illness together, it’s bound to change the dynamics of your relationship. The strong one may become vulnerable and weak, and you may be required to step into a caregiving role which will require you to be stronger than you’ve ever had to be before;especially if your partner has a difficult time accepting help. Knowing you can rely upon each other in a time of need will make this crisis more bearable.
If you’re faced with a chronic or terminal diagnosis, there are resources to help you cope. There will be a grieving process even before death, and it’s important to work through your feelings. Get counseling, talk with your spiritual advisor, and find experts in death and dying.
It’s easy to get lost in fear and anxiety; but recovery from illness or injury, as any expert will tell you, is a mental fight as well as a physical challenge. Do your best to stay positive and to find those perfect moments in every day. Encourage each other and remember that your partner is not just a patient. They are your beloved, and you can still live each day together with positivity, grace and love. Put on your brave face and bring all the light and positivity to your partner to encourage to help them overcome and recover.
