Technology is a wonderful thing. The rise of social media has been an amazing advance in the way people connect. We can now make connections anywhere in the world. Can’t sleep? Go on Facebook, I can guarantee a few of your friends are on too and you can have a conversation, kill some time and make a connection.

There’s a lot of talk about whether online friends are “real” friends. How many people on your Facebook have you met in real life? Do you feel close and connected to people you’ve never been in the same state with? I imagine you do.

For people who are not gregarious or social in typical ways, and for those who live in remote areas where they don’t get much contact with other people, social media is a fantastic tool. It’s a way to connect, to stay in touch and to feel a part of a larger network of people and get that human contact. There are so many positives to this but there are downsides too.

When it comes to couples and love relationships there are some real arguments against connecting on social media. If you’re part of a couple, you probably are not going online together or at the same times. This can create a disconnection in your relationship at home.

If you come home from work and spend your free time connecting with your online friends, where does that leave your partner? Even if the two of you are sitting in the same room together and both of you are looking at different things, your connection is not there between the two of you, you’re making outside connections, but not the most important one which is the one you should be making, with your partner.

The issue of privacy has come up a lot lately with Facebook especially. I worry less about them sharing personal data than privacy issues surrounding how couples may be using Facebook. If you are in a relationship, how much of your private life with your partner are you putting out there for people to see?  Are you making connections with people that your partner wouldn’t approve of? Are you discussing issues surrounding your relationship with your partner online? How would your partner feel about you doing this? How would YOU feel if you knew your partner was talking about you publicly? It IS public, make no mistake. Depending on your privacy settings, you may be broadcasting your posts to thousands of people; not only your friends, but their friends and their friend’s friends as well. Have you ever thought of that? Don’t ever forget that once you put something online, it is there forever.

The other issue is infidelity. There is such a temptation to make those virtual connections more important than our real life commitments. It is very easy, even with your partner sitting in the same space with you, to connect with someone online. If you are not vigilant, you can fall into the trap of investing yourself emotionally in online relationships beyond what’s appropriate for someone in a committed relationship. Many couples have been torn apart by this type of emotional infidelity. Make no mistake, this kind of relationship injury is just as damaging, sometimes even more so, than a sexual affair might be.

What’s the answer? Do we give up our online connections? I say no. They are valuable and the connections we make on social media are important friendships to be sure. What we need to do, what you have to be practicing in your day to day interactions online is integrity. You should not be acting any differently on social media platforms than you would in another social setting.

You avoid those situation and those people that put you in an awkward position, those that are tempting to you, and in the same way you put up a barrier when you meet someone saying “I’m married, or I’m in a committed relationship”, you make that known to people you meet online as well. What does your relationship status say?

Use good judgment, and think of your partner. Any relationship you might feel you need to hide from your partner or diminish the importance of, is one you probably should not be participating in. Don’t go down that rabbit hole and get lost online.

I recommend that you and your partner have more time together and less time on social media if this is becoming an issue in your relationship. Shutdown the devices and interact face to face with your partner. I suggest taking an “electronics free” day with your partner periodically.  Go somewhere together and put down your phones. Do this regularly. Make your relationship the priority and do the work you need to do so that you and your partner know you are the most important people in each other’s worlds. Social media friendships are fine, but your friendship with your partner should be the priority always.