RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: FOCUS ON YOUR EMOTIONS

If you’ve ever been told you’re too emotional or not emotional enough, this blog’s for you. Everything we consciously experience is processed through our emotional life. You can try to disconnect or detach, you can numb yourself with substances like food, drugs or other immersive experiences; but when it all comes down to it you’re still going to feel. I’d like to suggest that it’s not a bad thing to focus on your emotions both in the good and the bad times. We should always be in tune with our emotions and while we can’t let them dictate our lives, they are surely the guiding force in our relationships. Emotions guide us when it comes to navigating life with a partner.

We can get overwhelmed by our emotions in the moment and it can be just too much. We might feel these strong emotions such as sadness, anger or frustration and just want to melt into tears, rage, break something or give a primal scream. In these moments our brain isn’t in charge, we are giving ourselves over to the feelings. It’s not always appropriate to act on the emotions in the moment so we need to dial it back sometimes and just remove ourselves and avoid doing any damage to the walls or saying something we shouldn’t to our partner.  Time outs work for adults as well as children and if you’re overwhelmed, give yourself a ten minute time out. More intense emotions may require a longer time away.

Remove yourself from the situation to keep from escalating it, and doing or saying something you will certainly regret. While you’re in time out, focus on your emotions and where they came from. Look at the situation from your partner’s point of view (there’s more than one, you know), and think of options for possible solutions. Ask yourself what it was that made you react so strongly? What is the trigger for that emotion? When you do come back together with your partner, both of you can calmly discuss these issues and come to a place of understanding and resolution.

You can be overwhelmed with positive emotions as well; joy, happiness and love. Gratitude is a great one. Allow yourself to feel and focus on your emotions during the good times as much as during a struggle or disagreement.  The positive emotions that you feel with your partner help you to deepen your connection and feelings of importance. We all have attachment needs. When you’re getting what you need from your partner and you focus on that and acknowledge it in the moment you’re better able to handle it when the negatives occur (which they surely will).

When you feel happy, when you feel grateful, stop and take a moment to just breathe and feel it. Focus on your emotions and seal that moment in your heart and in your mind. These moments are what life is all about. This is practicing mindfulness and being present. We can get so caught up in life and circumstances that we forget to savor these very important moments. Life is made up with such as these. When they happen, turn to your partner and acknowledge that you are sharing a beautiful moment together. Make that connection between your partner and the emotions that they evoke, focus on your emotion in that moment and deepen your connection to your partner.