TEN WAYS TO WOO AND WIN THE OBJECT OF YOUR DESIRE

This list of ten ways to start a relationship with someone you’re attracted to can be considered suggestions and the order is not set in stone. Numbers 1 and 10 however, should definitely be first and last. Far too many people start with dating and romance, when friendship should always be the first step when you’re wanting to find a long term partner. There are always exceptions to every case, but your relationship has a far better chance of success if you heed this advice.

1. Make a friend – Start as friends. Don’t come on too strong. When you meet someone, don’t project any expectations about romance or sex on them. See if you even like each other first. They may have habits or opinions and beliefs that could be a deal breaker for you. You can’t assume anything. Simply approach them openly about wanting to become acquainted
2. Get to know them – Spend a lot of time talking. Ask probing questions, learn about what makes them tick. Pick their brains and find out what’s behind the face and body you’re attracted to. A beautiful face doesn’t always mean a beautiful person inside. Getting to know them for who they truly are. Everyone puts on a nice face when they meet someone, dig down to find what’s beneath that exterior and see if it’s someone you really connect with.
3. Show your true colors – By the same token, show yourself to this person. Be honest, authentic. Don’t try to impress them; rather be true to yourself and truthful about who you are and what you’re looking for in a partner, and in life. Your journey may not be appealing to this person, and it’s best to find out in the beginning if they are someone who would be willing to share in and support you in what you want from life. Be uncompromising in your authenticity. This will definitely be what determines if you want to go further in your friendship.
4. Make a date – Start out neutral, with some get togethers over coffee or lunch. Take a walk, a hike or go to a movie or sporting event. No pressure to be romantic, just more getting to know each other and sharing some experiences together. If you feel at ease with this person, relaxed and happy to be with them, that’s great. If you feel awkward, or tense and nervous around them, you may not want to continue to see them. If they are pushy or intense or want to get close too soon, that can be a warning sign of a person that you might not want to be with. It shouldn’t be hard work to get to know someone.
5. Find your common ground – In spending time together you learn what you have in common with each other. If you enjoy the same movies, music, have a shared sense of humor or a similar world view that’s wonderful.  You’ll have a lot to talk about. This phase of a new relationship is a discovery process that will help you to know if you want to get closer to this person. Do you feel like you’re really connecting?
6. Celebrate your differences – It’s not necessary for you both to like the same thing , but some common ground should be there. You and your new friend can celebrate your difference and if you’re both open to it, you can share new adventures and new ideas with each other and both broaden your horizons.
7. Make some romance –  If you’re attracted to this person, can’t stop thinking about them and want to hear their voice all the time, be next to them as much as possible and you’re feeling a burning desire to go to the next step, it’s time to get romantic. Show your heart to this person and let them know you’re feelings.  You can step up your interactions by doing more “couples” types of activities on your dates, and getting physically closer. When you decide the time is right, you can share your passion and become intimate. Notice that this step is much farther down the list that you might expect.  There’s no timetable for your first sexual encounter, and steps 1-6 can happen quickly with the right person.
8. Make their heart race – The period of time after you start having sex is another level of discovery where emotions run high. New love is exciting and passionate and filled with change. This is where you seal the deal! Now you learn how your new partner treats their lover as opposed to their friends, and you learn what each of you needs to be in a close and connected relationship. Learning to meet each other’s attachment needs so that you both feel loved and important to each other.
9. Make them yours – Again, we’re not on a time table. As you become closer and more connected, you may each decide to make it a committed relationship. When you reach that level of commitment, there’s still more to discover. Talk about everything. Talk about your expectations for the future, your career goals, family planning, financial goals and more. Everything should be discussed to avoid misunderstandings in the future. Is monogamy part of this equation, or is there an expectation that polyamory is going to be an aspect of your relationship? Commitment is a huge step and you never want to take it lightly.
10. Continue to court them – Once you’re in a committed relationship there is freedom, fun and adventure ahead. You should remember however, that these relationships don’t thrive when only one partner is contributing. So you each need to court one another continually, flirt, make love, keep the romance alive and make your partner the most important person in your life, no matter how long you’ve been together. If this is your great love, you want to keep it alive. That means tending and nurturing the relationship every day for life.

It’s possible that these steps are not in the correct order for you and that’s ok. As long as you take the concepts to heart, and do your best to connect with the object of your desire in a loving and authentic, vulnerable way, and they do the same, you’re in for a wonderful loving and fun adventure together for as long as you keep it going.