RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: IS HAPPY YOUR "GO TO"?

Our lives and relationships are made of moments. Some we can control and others that are out of our power to affect. We can be steeped in negative circumstances and still be happy. You can choose happiness from moment to moment with your partner in your relationship, and make happy your “go to! “ How is this possible, you ask?

It’s possible through the practices of mindfulness, through a routine of living in a positive paradigm. We all know people who are basically happy no matter what is going on around them. How do they accomplish this? For some it’s through faith-based practices and hope of a better future; for others, it’s living moment to moment and choosing to be that change that they want to see in the world. For others, it’s an outlook on life that says that they are in control of their own happiness, and don’t rely on outside sources, material possessions, or for things to go their way before they will be happy. They are too busy making themselves and others happy to worry about the problems and challenges that may come.

Is this realistic, or are they living in some kind of fantasy world? We always hear about the glass half full or half empty depending on who is looking at it.  We know the world can be a dark and scary place; and if we let them, the cares of this world can lie heavily on us. It really does come down to your perception and your inner life. What you let in, what you spend your time thinking on, and talking about, is what you’re filling your mind and your life with. This is what is informing your happiness or lack of it. We can get so bogged down with cares and concerns that worry us that it can pervade all of our interactions. We get into a pattern of worry and negativity that kills our joy. Pessimism becomes our go to instead of the happiness we seek.  It acts like a cancer and invades your relationships and poisons your mind and ultimately, all aspects of your life.

When you wake up in the morning how do you determine your day? Did you know that you can make happy your “go to” by starting your day with habits and rituals that renew and refresh you? A short meditation; yoga, exercise or even sex with your partner can start your day with the right attitude and feelings of happiness; those positive endorphins that your brain exudes after physical activity. Get off of the bus a few stops away from work and walk the rest of the way if that’s all you have time to do. Get up earlier to connect with your partner before you leave for work. Small changes to your habits and routines can make a big impact on your overall happiness. When you start your day with this great attitude, it will carry over into your workday and beyond.

What about being happy in the face of challenges? Can you stay happy in the face of problems, negative people, or tasks you dread? The answer is yes. When you’re truly living in happiness, you may have moments of pain, anger, sadness, all of the normal human emotions, but that doesn’t change who you are as a person. If you’re a happy person, a sad event will still make you sad. You and your partner will still get triggered and maybe even fight sometimes. This doesn’t change who you are. You and your partner are basically happy together, and a fight won’t change that. You’ll fight to work things out together and come back to being happy again.

Is happiness a choice? I say yes! We’ve seen enough evidence of people living in this truth and I would even venture to expand this to include your relationship with your partner. You both can choose happiness both individually and as a couple. If you’re facing struggles in your relationship or in life in general right now, you may feel dubious about this but I am here to encourage you.

With a supportive partner in your life anything is possible. You and your partner can wake up together each day in happiness, go about your day apart and come back in the evening being happy together. No matter the job stress, the school demands, difficulties with the schedules, the children or your health. True happiness in your relationship is not dependent upon outside influences. You can be happy together no matter what is going on in your life.

Can you change your default? It is possible to make happy your go to.  Have you heard that quote that says (paraphrasing here) thoughts become deeds and deeds become habits. Those habits become your life. We change our default by changing our thoughts; by using those new thoughts to inform our actions. This series of actions become your life. Obviously, I’m simplifying the issue. It’s not always easy to maintain this habit of positivity, but you and your spouse can support each other and be the reminder of why you’re so happy.  We know there are always people who are in worse circumstances than we are, and when we can shine some light into the dark places in the world, we can have an incredibly positive impact.

Can you affect your spouse or partner’s happiness? You’ve heard the saying “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. I believe this is so true. When you and your partner are living this happiness habit you are making your entire household happier. If your partner is facing something at work or a personal crisis, your being there and being positive and uplifting can make all the difference to their perception and hopeful feelings; translating to positive actions that will affect the outcome.

Every moment we live we have choices. We can choose to be a victim, or a victor in our lives and relationships. We can empower ourselves and our partners to choose happiness in all of our interactions. Some positive choices you can make today for a happier tomorrow begin with you at home. Choose to eat right, get plenty of rest and exercise. Choose to interact positively with your partner in a meaningful way daily, to work on your relationship as a couple, having positive experiences and intimate moments. Choose to show your positive nature to your children and to teach them how to choose happiness in adverse circumstances. Choose to go to your place of business and be that beacon of light that everyone needs in this world. If this all sounds foreign to you, ask yourself, is happy your “go to”? If not, then try some of what I’m advising here and check in again in a few months. I believe your answer will be a resounding “Yes!”